


Jupiter's Dust

by BitterRenegade, RiriYuki



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-06-27 23:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15695424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterRenegade/pseuds/BitterRenegade, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiriYuki/pseuds/RiriYuki
Summary: Two years, Shepard was dead.  The world continued moving but for the Commander it was only yesterday everyone was on the Normandy, laughing.  Now having faced her mortality, she has to save the world again while trying to understand what it means to be reassured.  [Part of BitterRenegade's Co-Pilot series.  Read alongside with Drops of Jupiter.  Notes will say which chapters are to be read.]





	1. Don't Mourn Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BitterRenegade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterRenegade/gifts).



> This chapter takes place during chapter 1 in 'Drops of Jupiter' by BitterRenegade.  
> Please read 'Across The Universe' by BitterRenegade before reading this or it will be slightly confusing regarding KimxShepard's relationship and who Damian is.

“Sabrina, no!  Wait, please!” she begged, a sob forcing its way out of her throat.  “Don’t do it.”

“You got this,” I tell my sister but she doesn’t hear me.  How could she?  I turned off my comms.

I stare into my sister’s eyes, easy to read the emotions swelling in her heart.

 _She’ll be fine_ , I tell myself as I hit the emergency button that seals shut the doors—trapping me to this burning grave.  From the small window, I can see my sister screaming but I try and give her a big smile.

“Damian and I are always with you.  Joker and Kaidan won’t leave you.”  I would’ve motioned to my heart, to convey the words I knew she couldn’t hear but suddenly another blast sends me flying yet again.  This time, I’m thrown further down a hallway—out of view of the escape pod, and slammed against a wall hard enough to paralyze me for a second.

Why can’t these suites be more padded?

Slowly, I start to drift away from the Collector’s beam and the remains of my ship.  Do the Collectors notice?  Apparently not, as they never turn their beam on me and finish the job.

I smirk.

If I could propel myself forward, I could get on the ship.  Find a breach.  Kick their sorry asses,  _yet again_ and pick up my crew all before bedtime!  Great!

“No, no, no nonononono!”

My throat instantly starts to tighten and I start to wheeze.  What the fuck!  I turn to the side and can see white escaping from my back.  My oxygen line.  I must have snagged it when I slammed into the wall.  My survival instinct kicks in, telling me I need to patch the whole ASAP or I can kiss my escape plan goodbye.

My chances of survival were slim.

I’ve gone on suicide mission before and survived.  I’ve stuck to the plan and made it out by the skin of my teeth.

But this wasn’t a mission.  My crewmates were either dead or drifting in metal pods—that I hoped would not be their tombs.

 _You did good_ , a voice in my head tells me but I fight.

Quickly, I try to reach behind me, to grab the tube to cut off wherever the hole was.  If I could do that, then I still have hope!  Kimmy wouldn’t grow up without a family.  I can do it.  The Collectors haven’t notice me.  I can make it.  The pain in my lungs will stop if I can just find the hole.

 _Let it go, Tiger.  Keys will be alright.  You did good_.

I start to cry and shut my eyes, my limbs still not giving up.

“I can’t!” I plead.  Did I say it in my head or aloud?  I don’t know.

Everything is dark and the pain is lessening.  I know exactly what this is.

It’s Akuze all over again…and I know exactly who I’m talking to.

“Damn it, Old Man!  I’m not done yet.”

_Come on, Shep.  You’re always fighting a good battle but even Jesus couldn’t make wine out of thin air.  You couldn’t have done better and you saved countless lives. What more good could you have hoped for?  You can’t save everyone._

I fall to my knees, crying.  My mind is trying to trick me into surrendering but I fight still.  I won’t believe that I’m back on Earth, in an apartment with old music playing in the background.  In front of me is not a man, dressed in Alliance brass and looking at me in a way that makes my body shake.  It’s not.  I’m still in space.  I still have a chance.

_I’m proud of you._

“My friends are in danger.  Damian…Kimmy is out there floating.  I have to go back.  I can save them.”

 _Keys is safe._  I shook my head but he continued.    _Trust me.  Would I lie to you, about her_?    I hesitate to answer and I hear his warm chuckle.    _I haven’t seen you in so long…my, how you’ve grown.  Come on.  How about we go out for dinner?  There’s a new sushi bar that Kimmy has been waiting to show you.  I personally can’t say raw food has any appeal but she apparently thinks it’s the best thing in the world._

I can see his hand in front of me, waiting.  Shame crosses my face and I flinch away, fighting the weakness that wants to reach out.  To go with him would be leaving her…I can’t do that.  The hand doesn’t follow me, nor pulls away, it just waits.

_We have time.  I won’t leave you, Tiger._

_…_

_I’m sorry Kimmy._

 


	2. Rebirth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place during chapter 3 in 'Drops of Jupiter' by BitterRenegade.

“Wake up Commander”, a voice lulls me.  Dull pain aches in my very fiber and I groan so quietly, I almost missed it myself.  “Shepard, do you hear me?  Get out of that bed, now.  This facility is under attack.”

_Attack?_

I turn my head to the side, to see who it is that’s talking to me but I find myself alone.  There are large machines but it’s hard to see anything with the blinding white.  Turning my head back, I let my eyes close shut as I try to remember something…anything.  Dull pain makes me groan again, this time because I tried to move my legs.

“Shepard,” the mysterious voice returns.  “Your scars aren’t healed but I need you to get moving.  This facility is under attack.”

“Where am I?”  I ask hoarsely and instantly regret it.

My jaw creaked with such a force that I wanted to rip something apart with my teeth.

“Crap.  The sedatives must still be in your system.  Officer Kogan is waiting for us in the emergency shuttles. We do not have time to waste.”

I find the strength to roll to my side, bracing myself to roll off the bed.  Outside, I see fire and lights dance by.  Just trying to grasp the situation hurts my head but the mysterious voice was right.  The sedatives are already starting to wear off and I feel my focus sharpening an inch at a time, but the pain is also ebbing it’s way in.

“There’s a pistol in the locker on the other side of this room.  Hurry!”

“Where—“ I start to repeat myself, proud that my voice is now stronger and clearer.

“I will explain when we are safe,” the voice cuts me off.  “But for now, escaping is our first priority.”

 _Wouldn’t be breakfast without at least one gun show_ , I muse to myself as I force my legs over the bed and throw my weight off.  My legs wobble but they don’t give.  Progress.  Following the instructions given, I do find a regular pistol in a locker—not mine though.  Not my clothes either?  I look down and notice I’ve been dressed in a dreary colored wardrobe, black and white.  But where was I before?  My brain gives a throb that tells me to focus on the situation on hand.

Escaping.

I pocket the pistol and exit the room.

The mysterious voice leads me out of a med bay, informing me that someone is hacking the entire system just to try and kill me—nothing unusual.  Hacked mechs are a perfect warmer upper from a long nap.  My goal is the shuttles but I am more interested in knowing more about where I am.  While trying to escape, I find terminals that give me tidbids of the situation—and recovers my memories. 

Gunfire is heard up ahead and I raise my pistol, expecting to find more hacked mech but to be surprised by finding a Cerberus agent as well. 

“Shepard?  What the hell?” the man says and I find a short laugh in my throat.

“That’s my line.”

We take down the three mechs before suddenly more come in and I take cover beside this mysterious man.  He turns to me and asks what I’m doing there, that I was still a ‘work in progress’. 

“I’d like to know why _am_ I here?  And who are you?  And why is somebody already trying to kill me?  Though you can ignore that last question, that seems to be a reoccurring theme everywhere I go.”  I try to lighten the moon but the mysterious man doesn’t laugh.

Instead, he apologizes.  “Sorry, I forgot.  You’re new to all this.  I’m Jacob Taylor…I’ve been stationed here for—“

Our introduction gets interrupted by more mechs.  Jacob shots before ducking back in cover.  He gives me a chance to ask questions.

I sigh.  “We can talk on the way.  Take me to Officer Kogan and I’ll cover your back.”

For some reason, he finally smiles when I mention Kimmy’s name but I don’t ask questions.  We shoot down the enemies and start moving—giving me the basic rundown of what I’ve missed. 

Two years.  I’ve barely remember being spaced, the memory fading to black and then suddenly waking up in bed.  Regardless of my lack of memories, I ask about my crew which Jacob surprisingly tells me they all made it.  When asked what they were up to, he said he had no clue.  Honestly, I would have been super surprised if he did.  But he at least confirmed, Kim was on this base and waiting for us—or so he hoped.

We then rendezvoused with Wilson and then…Jacob comes clean.  It’d be a lie to say I didn’t know who Cerberus was but I didn’t fight.  Cerberus brought me back, Kimmy was with them, so I had no choice.  I had more questions than answers but they weren’t going to get answered around here.


	3. We're Not In Kansas Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place after chapter 3 until beginning of chapter 8 in 'Drops of Jupiter' by BitterRenegade. Just covering the very basic of her first day.

 

Nothing is the same.

The Illusive Man had warned me of this.  He informed me that I had been officially classified as dead for the last two years, Cerberus spent every resource on bringing me back from the dead.  I didn’t trust whatever half-assed excuse he might have given me.  I knew the organization and I knew if they were spending that much on me, they needed me.  At least, their need for me also aligned with my goals.

To terminate the Collectors.

They wanted me to put together a team.  I pushed that I wanted my old team mates but apparently they had done the best they could, everyone had fallen off the radar.  Miranda gave me a list of people who they thought could be excellent candidates but I just took their folders and stored it away.  Trust, apparently, is going to be in short supply it seems.  At least I knew Kim and Joker would still be my pilots, giving me at least faith that I was in the best of hands.  Not to mention my favorite doctor is also tagging along, because who honestly knows my medical record better?

As far as my old friends, I would find out what Tali was up to sooner than I expected.  On our first mission, Tali surprised all of us by showing up.  Seeing Tali order others around showed just how much she had changed, her Pilgrimage was a success and she was now a member of the Fleet.  While I felt happy and proud, especially when Tali spoke highly of me, it’s when I started to feel…alienated.

It seems everyone was changing, but I was…left behind?

Joker and Kim’s relationship felt different and yet, he knew more about Kim than I did.  She had an episode which I have never recalled her having before.  When did I lose the spot as someone who knew Kim the most?  I didn’t feel like anything was different—not drastically.  Kim still acted like Kim, she smiled at me and seemed up-beat but then I saw her freak out.  Not to mention, seeing Joker walking around and actually have a conversation with her but not slide in a wise crack.  That was odd, right?  I couldn’t even ask anyone about it because the Illusive Man summoned me to his chambers.

I could already feel an invisible leash around my neck and a strong inkling that at the end of the rope was the Illusive Man…which gave me all sorts of headaches.

_Familiar.  I need somewhere familiar…_

“Shepard, surprised to see you down here so soon,” Chakwas greeted me as soon as I stepped through the door.  The med bay looked far more advance but the white walls still gave the queasy feeling.  Unpleasant but my headache already felt better.  “Something I can help you with?”

I slide a hand on my hip and sway to the side, giving her a carefree grin.  “Please Karin, don’t make it sound like I get hurt on every mission.  I made it through Akuze, didn’t I?”

The white-haired lady laughed at me as she motioned for me to come closer.  “It must be your sparkling personality that makes me worry.  Take a seat and I can give you a quick look over.”

We spend a couple of minutes, going over the basic protocols…if there were any for coming back from the dead.  It was the usual ‘take it easy’ and ‘don’t strain yourself’.  Karin tried to probe my mind to make sure I was mentally sound.  It was easy until she touched on a topic that not even I knew was sensitive.

“So how are you and Kim getting along?  I heard she was on the field with you and she took on a heavy mech?”  My smile waivered, just for a second!  And Karin saw straight through me.  With hawk eyes, she shifted from casual friend to professional doctor with just a shift of her legs.  “How are you adjusting to the changes?”

“Good.  I’m good.  The changes are…good.  Everything is good here, Doc’.”

“Sabrina…” she said in her grandmother voice.  I sighed and threw myself into the chair, letting the worry creep into my face.  I began toying with my hair.

“It’s fine.  I just need to adjust to missing two years of everyone’s life.”  I looked at Karin and caught her just as she was about to say something, probably something that would’ve been nice to hear.  “I’m not sulking about it.  Honestly, who can say they died and came back?!  It’s great to be back, really.  I just need time to…find where I fit into everything.”

“But you don’t have to try and fit in,” the doctor told me as she reached out to grab my hand to stop me from toying with my braid.  “Because you are always with us, in our hearts.”

It’s rude to laugh in people’s faces so I bite back the numb laugh stuck in my throat.  “Is that all Kim had?” The hand around mine tightens for a second and I look at Karin with a gentle smile.  “Joker told me.  Kimmy had a break down after I left.  I had hoped Kaidan would have been there for her but I’m sure he couldn’t put his career on hold for her and I would never ask him to.  So now, I’m back.  And I’ll make sure to show everyone that I’m here…more than just in their heart!”

Karin’s smile didn’t seem as bright as it did before.  Even she had changed in my absence but the woman was still the same, warm and comforting.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll charm the pants off whoever you try to make an ally.  I have total faith in you Commander.”

“Aw gee, you’re just being kind.”  That made Karin laugh and I pulled my hand from her, rubbing it against my pants before I stood up.  “Speaking of allies, we should be coming into Omega soon.  Anything you’d like, while I’m down there mingling with the locals?”

“A bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy would be nice.  I had a bottle back on the Normandy that I regret not opening…it’s not like I need it bu—“

“Consider it yours,” I winked at her. 

The doctor promises to look into some medical stuff for me, regarding the scars on my face.  I joke about having to keep my beauty, because without it Kaidan might mistake me for himself.  It doesn’t take long before I hurry out of the room to change into armor and rush to the cock-pit. 

Omega seemed like the worst kind of place so I needed my best people behind me.

 

 

I couldn’t have been more wrong about Omega.  Out-law planet?  I had assumed it would be like returning to the Reds…rough, but manageable. 

Everything I thought I knew, was wrong.

Kim…she changed.  Joker said she had a break down, but I’m starting to wonder if she was ever fixed?  Or did the whole universe just break after I was gone?  I could tolerate the rough personalities, Zaeed being a prime example.  Not my ideal tea-party company but I’ve dealt with men like him before.  The Alliance was rough but Kimmy was never exposed to those kind of men, I wouldn’t let her be.  And I’m starting to see why it was a good idea that I enlisted as soon as I did. 

Under my command, I did not like the idea of Kim being on the field—for multiple selfish reasons.  From a professional side, her caring heart was a problem.  Her heart was too big for her body and she lets her heart guide her completely.  Personally?  I was afraid she wouldn’t be able to pull a trigger on someone she didn’t whole-heartedly believe to be evil. 

But it seems the total opposite was true.

The batarians holding Mordin’s assistant as hostage?  I gave them my word that they would live and she broke my order.  I felt, lost?  Dead bodies laid at my feet and for once, I felt wrong.  But when I tried to reprimand her, I couldn’t.  She looked frightened and claimed about my life.  I should have known then, that something was not right.  But I wanted to believe everything was fine.  We agreed she did the right thing, not letting those men go because who’s to say they wouldn’t hurt another?

I just prayed…this wouldn’t become a trend.

Hopefully, this Archangel person would be a better ally.


	4. Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome Archangel/Garrus to the mix.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place during chapter 8 in 'Drops of Jupiter' by BitterRenegade.  
> To touch up on ownership, I realized I never made it clear. Sabrina Shepard is my character. BitterRenegade and I are friends in RL and have done this together. We have a lot of work where I'm shoved in the MC slot and she my sidekick because she's a butt and refuses to die/lose a limb for canon purposes. So don't be alarmed to find Sabrina and Kim on plenty of other adventures in different fandoms.

The sound of the chopper’s blades still echoes in my ears as I stare at the heavy armor in my hands.  Even though I have washed it three times, I can’t forget the sight of it covered in blue—no, in the blood of a friend.  No matter how hard I try to block it out, I can hear my sister’s screaming for me and the wet sound of Garrus’ final breathe.  Our eyes locked and I feared I was going to lose him. 

That I was going to lose another person.

_I can’t save everyone._

Kim’s armor in my hands is thrown across the room, hitting the floor with a thud as I fall into my bed, curling to my right side as I repeat Damian’s words.

Everyone is expecting me to save them, despite having failed countless times.  First, my team on Akuze, then it was my own father-figure.  Liara’s mother was next, the woman a victim.  And Saren, as much evil as he did, he too was just a pawn for Sovereign.  I made the sacrifice, to save myself from the pain of losing my sister and Cerberus brought me back.

But for what?  The life I wanted to save the most…I no longer know anything about.  My sister is no longer the person I knew…what space did I have left in her heart?

 _Geez, I'd hate to see what you would have been like if it had been me on that operating table instead of Garrus,_  Kim’s words kept playing in my head as well. 

“Ugh, this is just giving me a headache,” I yell to the ceiling as I roll on my back.  “Damian was the better one with family stuff.  How do they expect me to be me when I’m too busy being Commander Shepard!” I look over to the empty fish tank and sigh.  The clear blue water is at least calming, a perk for my room rather than the dreary quarters from the first Normandy.

 _But the other Normandy did have Kaidan_.

“Anddd we’re not thinking about that.”

 _Captain?_    
“Yes EDI?”  I looked to the ceiling, as if that was where the voice was coming from. 

 _Officer Taylor is requesting to see you in the briefing room at your earliest convenience_.

 _What did Jacob want?_   “Tell him I’ll be there soon,” I advise as I finally get out of bed and hurry to put on my face.

After a quick tiding of my room, changing into my Cerberus casual wear, braiding of my hair, and a splash of cold water to my face, I head down to the briefing room.  I wonder what the dark-skinned man wants to talk to me about.  Probably about who I am going to recruit next.  So far, the last recruitment didn’t go well as I would like but the Collectors were still coming.  So push forward, we must.

“Commander,” Jacob greets me as soon as the doors open.

“Jacob,” I greet him wearily as I walk into the room. “EDI said you needed me.  Is it important or can it wait…”

Reading his body tells me it’s rather important—his face is too stern and his shoulders are sagging.  The way he pauses before speaking means he fears it’s going to hurt me.  And I feel my heart get crush, already predicting it’s involving my friend in the medic wing. 

“Garrus…” I sigh in defeat as I lean forward on the table and hang my head. 

“We’ve done what we could for him, but he took a bad hit.”

“Shit,” I say softly and look down.  My fears were answered and I suddenly felt responsible for everything.  If I had gone to rescue him before Mordin, maybe it wouldn’t be this bad.  If I had taken out the enemies sooner I could have stopped the helicopter, or may—Jacob continued talking and I quickly reign myself back in to catch the end of his words. 

“…we can tell, he’ll have full functionality but…”

Suddenly the doors open and we both snap to attention, not expecting anyone to interrupt us.  For a moment, I am hesitant to look—in fear that it was Chakwas coming with bad news.  But, to our surprise, in walks the very last person I thought would be there.  Garrus is fully geared like he’s ready for whatever mission I have planned next and a sparkle in his eye.

“Shepard,” he says.  Like what just happened in the last twenty four hours—no, like the last two years never happened and we’re back on the first Normandy all over again.

“Tough son of a bitch,” Jacob laughs softly and I’m grinning.  “Didn’t think he’d be up yet.”

“Turian determination,” I say softly as I manage to keep myself under control. 

Garrus walks over to us, asking about a mirror.  Can you blame the crew?  The entire right mandible is scarred, his armor is still caked with blue blood and is broken.  Why the hell didn’t anyone wash or repair the armor?!  I walk over to him with determination and wipe my hand on his armor, wiping some of the blood off on my skin. 

“How bad is it?” he asks as he stares down at me.

 _You’re alive, you idiot.  Who cares._   I bite back what I really want to say, getting caught in his eyes and remembering the look when I saw them last.  I found myself suddenly in a brighter mood.  “Hard to say, Garrus.  You were always ugly.”  His mandible twitches in amusement and I laugh.  “Slap some face-paint on there and no one will even notice.”

Garrus cries softly in pain as he touches his right side.  “Don’t make me laugh, damn it.  My face is barely holding together as it is.”   He lowers his hand and smiles at me.  “Some women find facial scars attractive.”  Jacob and I both raise our eyebrows as if to ask but Garrus beats us to the punch.  “Mind you, most of those women are krogans…”

I start giggling and Jacob takes this as his cue to leaves. 

“Commander,” he utters before he salutes me.  I bow my head at him in respect, giving him a casual smile before he exits the room.

It’s easy to see the trust isn’t there because Garrus watches Jacob like a hawk until the door closes behind him.  The moment we’re alone, he turns back to me and the mirth dwindles.  “Frankly, I’m more worried about you,” he says.  I agree with him and lean against the desk, tucking my arms under my chest.  He continues.  “Cerberus, Shepard?  You remember those sick experiments they were doing?  Kim said you were worried.”

A cord is struck and before I can stop myself, I suck my teeth and look away.  The way he opens his mandibles, I quickly kill the words in my throat.  “I’m more worried about you and Kim.  May I remind you who just took a rocket to the face?”  My teasing goes to waste as his mandibles suddenly tighten and his eyes narrows.  I ease on the jokes.  “They wouldn’t let me go in the surgery room with you but they let Kim go…it was a bit scary.  I never thought I’d have to rely on my little sister.  Big sisters have a lot of pride, you know?”

“Shepard…” Garrus said my name almost mournfully.  Afraid, I burdened him with my worries, I playfully rolled my eyes to switch the gear.

“Speaking of pride, I know I owe you and Chakwas the most gratitude.  I know it mustn’t have been easy taking care of Kim after my death.  Really, it means the world to me.”  I never spoke to Chakwas about it, though I did have her brandy in my room waiting for the moment when I could afford to sit down with the woman.

Garrus’ mandibles flutter, for the briefest of moments as looks down.  “Please, don’t.  Kim was keeping me company.  It was honestly fun having her around.  I got to teach her how to shoot so it was a mutual benefit.”

I let out a self-depressing laugh.  “You don’t have to act around me, Garrus.  I’m sure it was rough piecing her back together after my death.  Honestly, I am glad she has such a great friend like you guys.  I don’t know where she’d been without you.”

“She would have been fine,” Garrus argues.

“Joining with Cerberus?”

He doesn’t answer right away and I take pity on the turian, unfolding my arms and patting his armor.  “I’m not going to ask that you trust Cerberus, because we both know better.  But they brought me back and I won’t let them screw us over when this is over.  When we’re done with the Collectors, maybe you and I can sit down and finally show Kimmy who’s the  _real_  marksman.”

Finally, he cracks me a smile and I return the gesture.  The air between us returns to normal and he steps away, I pull my hand back and wipe the blue stain on my pants.  The color no longer making me queasy.

He starts making his way to the door.  “I’ll settle in and see what I can do at the forward batteries, but I’m fit for duty whenever you need me, Shepard.  Even if you just want to shoot the breeze and reminisce about old times.”

“You can start with cleaning your armor!” I shout back just as the doors close behind him.

I grin stupidly as I straighten my shirt and head out.  Now that Garrus is on the team, everything should start getting better.  Four of my old friends are back on this ship and it’s turning out to be a well-balanced team.

 

When I returned to the Normandy after retrieving/rescuing Jack from Purgatory, I looked forward to a hot shower and some sleep.  Until, EDI informed me that Kim had another episode and was currently resting in her quarters.  No one wanted to tell me anything.  It was when I ordered EDI to, did I learn that my sister has not slept since I woke up.  How could she?  I had dragged her on every mission.  Then Garrus needed her.  Joker would probably need her help.  Not to mention I am well aware of her and Mordin spending time in the lab.

How did I let it get to this?

Thus, I set up camp in the pilot’s cabin.  I had already changed to my nightwear with a blanket curled up on the couch while I continued my paperwork on a datapad.  There were plenty to do while I waited for Kim to wake up: emails, dossiers, reports to write for the Illusive Man, and Spectres stuff.  Two hours had gotten a lot done, but now I was finding it harder to keep focus.

I was so engrossed with my mental thoughts, I hadn’t noticed someone even walked in the room until when I sighed and the person spoke.

“Is there a problem, Commander?” a soft voice chuckles, the accent giving away her identity.

Standing in the doorway is the Cerberus agent, her arms folded under her chest and I look at her with surprise.  “Miranda?  When did you get here?”

“A few minutes ago.  I figured I’d wait for you to notice me but it didn’t look like that would happen any time soon.”  The dark-haired woman moved and sat beside me, I slowly making the room for her to take the space.  I felt at a disadvantage being in my underclothes practically around the woman, the trust not fully there with her like with Jacob or Garrus.  Though she has given me no reason not to.

Together, we sit in silence.  It’s awkward for the most part.  Miranda stares at Kim while I try to pretend to do more work, the air is tense.  Honestly, I don’t even know how long it lasts until Miranda speaks.

“I understand your concern, Shepard.”

“Huh?”  I answer, so eloquently.

“Being a big sister and a leader is hard,” she continues.  She isn’t bothered by my flabbergast and even turns to me, surprising me more with a soft look in her face.  “You want to watch out for your sister, you want to be the mother you guys never hard, but your job is hard.”  I stare at her with my jaw slacked.  How did she read me so well?  “I can’t imagine what missing two years must feel like…but, I know you are doing your best.  I-I just thought you should know.”

 _If this was my best, then the world was in for a lot of disappointment_ , I tell myself grimly.

“I appreciate the pep-talk, but I think you forgot.  I’m Commander Shepard.  Didn’t you and the Illusive Man bring me back because I could do the impossible?  How does it feel to bring back someone who can’t even help the only person I have left in this universe?”  I surprise myself with how heavy my sigh sounds, but I push forward.  “For all the good I’ve done, I’ve lost so many good people.  I hardly think I deserve all this recognition.”

“Shepard.”  Miranda’s tone is firm and cuts right through me.  The woman is staring straight at me, grabbing my knee as if determined to get my entire attention.  “I wanted you back, not to do the impossible but to do what no one else could.  You care for your people, and _that’s_ what makes others join you.  If anyone can get a group of people with completely different techniques and morals to work together on a mission that is likely suicidal, it’s you. I believe that only you could do it.”

I sit there with my mouth open, unsure how to even resort back.  And I would miss my chance.

“Now, Commander, forgive the insubordination but I’m advising you to get some sleep. We can look into gathering more of your team tomorrow as right now you look...” her perfect lips purse together for a moment as she decides on a word. “...awful.”

I snort.  “And here I thought we were becoming friends.”

My jab makes her smile.

“Good night, Shepard.”

“Miranda.”  I bow my head and watch her leave the room. 


End file.
